Originally published in October of 2012

What if life was written?

Like TV

Or the movies…

I’d wanna have a special handshake

With a football-headed hipster

A grey bulldog named Porkchop

And a rich uncle in Bel-Air.

I already have five best friends that will be there for me

But we’d get drunk at Moe’s

And they’d bust into my apartment

Unannounced like George and Kramer.

I’d go on secret missions in tailored suits

And introduce myself last name first

But I’d never get caught

Just like Jules and Vincent.

I’d have sex in the city

And everyone would know what I did last summer

Because I’d throw bachelor parties in Vegas

And travel back to the future.

I’d be able to crawl walls

Or fight criminals in the cover of the night

And I would choose the red pill

Just to see how far the rabbit hole goes.

And I think I would meet the one

In an elevator, as she compliments my taste in music

Or maybe I’d meet her in high school

And we’d end up like Corey & Topanga.

But when I mess up, and I know I will

We’d play a game of one-on-one for her heart

Or I’d chase her down before she leaves

And tell her she completes me.

And then we would kiss

In the pouring rain

As the sappy music plays

And the credits roll.

But life’s not a movie

And today isn’t an episode

So I’ll flip the channel

Back to reality.